We've Moved!

 ...blog addresses, continents,  now there's a 'we' instead of an 'I'.

Check out the new address. It'll be pretty bare bones until I figure out the new blogger. http://dasklinkhaus.blogspot.com/

Though I haven't stopped by in awhile, I sure will miss this friendly little blog! 

Things Not to Miss about Egypt: The Return

The worst part of a vacation from Egypt is coming back!

10 DAYS!!

Things to Miss About Egypt: Sleep Away Field Trips

A relaxing all-expenses-paid vacation  field trip to Cyprus with the 35 best 11-year olds! Having a blast!

Things Not to Miss About Egypt: My Daily Cup 'o' Ridiculousness

Case in point:

Egypt's On-air Warning: Don't Talk to Foreigners- They're all Spies!
We must be trying to get all of the secrets on Egypt's incredible infrastructure, efficiency, environmental concern, and progressive human rights.

Mob Attacks Women at Anti-Sexual Harassment Rally
Despicable, but expected.

On second thought, my life will be so humdrum without all of the outrage and excitement. Whatever will I do?

Things to Miss about Egypt: Great Excuses to Avoid Running

• I'll break my leg
• I'll die of heat exhaustion (hmmmm...where's that post I mean to write the day it was 118 degrees?!)
• I'll get run over
• I'll go into respiratory arrest
• I'll go blind
• I'll catch dysentery
• I'll get attacked by a dog
• I'll get attacked by a man on the street
• I'll get attacked by a man in a car
• I'll get attacked by a man in the gym
• I'll get attacked by a scary woman in a niqab
• I'll get attacked by street children

Cairo: where any of these are likely and it's more desirable to lay around on the couch and get fat rather than to brave the elements. (I won't have any excuses in Ecuador!)

Things Not to Miss about Egypt: Smelly Dilemmas

Every so often (or at least more often than I would like), a necessary walk through the neighborhood results in what I mentally refer to as a smelly dilemma. Generally, a smelly dilemma consists of a burst sewage line rendering the current path impassable, stinking, and with ankle-deep filth.  I would say this one tends to occur on a (rare) trip home from the grocery store following an empty pantry, laden with fresh purchases.

What to do...what to do? Ford the river? Caulk the wagon? Or hire an Indian to help?

Well, rather than choose any of those, I attempt the rather small, teetering stepping stones through the stinking...well, the stinking you know what. And what is bound to happen happens: the groceries, precarious stones, and my horrible balance result in an unfortunate fall. Which results in a horribly, untimely death from dysentery. (At least that's what would happen in Oregon Trail :) Actually, the last time this happened, I swear my foot was incredibly itchy for a week. Nasty.

The ultimate smelly dilemma is always on a morning I am flying out of the house in a frenzy, several minutes late to catch the bus. The street is flooded with the stinking stuff. There seems to be no way through except for a mountain of warm, ripe trash that shows signs of life that is to the side of the flooded, stinking filth.

Kind of a 'choose your own adventure', Cairo style!

Things to Miss about Egypt: the Airport

Four years of my life in Egypt comes to a close in two weeks. It's hard to believe, but even more unbelievable that I've subjected myself to Egypt for this long. To commemorate time served, I'm teaming up with my cell mate for a few (not so) sentimental musings about this land that we love tolerate.

 Love it or hate it, one of the most amusing experiences I have in Egypt is the Cairo airport. It seems to be a perfect portrait of Cairo: unpredictable, maddening, hilarious, and ridiculous. I've blogged about it on numerous occasions, but thought I would re-visit some of my favorite airport anecdotes.

 Things to Miss:

• Being greeted by a parade of children doing somersaults through the airport entrance. 
•  Breezing through security with the attendant either MIA or face-down on the conveyor belt. You've really got to watch out for all of the workaholics here. 
•  Noticing that you are the only person in the airport not smoking. In fact, the smokers hangout seems to be in front of the rather obvious NO SMOKING sign. 
•  Seeing all 18 million Cairenes (children too, of course) at the airport at THREE AM...not going anywhere in particular, just killing some time. 
•  DIY Egyptian tourist visa stickers. You can put it in your passport yourself and cover up all of those annoying extra pages ('Endorsements') in the back of the American passport. 
•  Getting accosted at passport control. Every time. 
•  Chewing out any/all irritating personnel consequence-free. 
•  Oversleeping your flight and knowing you will still make it in time because the flight is operated by Egyptians. 
•  Paying 1 EGP (16 cents) to some lady for the privilege of using the filthiest bathroom you've ever seen. She hasn't bothered to notice that all of the commodes threw up all over the floor two hours ago with nary a scrap of toilet paper in sight. And soap is definitely out-of-the-question. 
•  Bringing all the liquids I want through security: water, lotion, gin, gasoline...NO PROBLEM!
•  Knowing that the customs "officials" will never ask me to open my bag. I could have five midgets or an entire Spec's liquor store in my suitcase and no one would be the wiser.